a reorientation of time

I'm taking a morning off, doing nothing but drinking coffee and eating chocolate-chip banana bread and reading a bunch.

It's been a crazy week—a crazy month—and I'm remembering the importance of time. Time to set aside certain "need-tos" for other "need-tos," time to step away from stress and be quiet; reflective and aware and in-tune.

I've been thinking a lot about time recently, whether or not that's been a conscious choice. I've been frustrated by people's disrespect for other's time, I've been reminded that time is short because life is short, but mostly I've been humbled by time's tenderness; its fragility and its precision.

My good friends got married in June, and their wedding reintroduced me to a pretty special guy. His name is Mack(enzie) and I call him boyfriend, and the timing of him, of us, is fairly astounding.

When I think that God could allow someone so wonderful and something so beautiful enter my life when I felt (feel) least prepared, least equipped, I'm brought back to grace. I'm brought back to the tangibility of grace, the tangibility of a God who is involved in our lives.

There's this girl I've met a couple times, an amazing girl whom I only know through mutual friends, through Facebook, and I've watched her family go through the reality of a brother, a son, with terminal cancer. He's 19 years old and his time is fleeting (but aren't we all), and watching their journey has been incredible.

It reminds me of my friend David who passed away at 20, it reminds me of the strength of a family who says God Your will be done even when that will might be unimaginable loss. I think about how I'm barely strong enough to look at pictures of this guy (it makes me tear-up every single time), much less proclaim God's goodness in spite of it all.

And then I'm brought back to grace again—grace that is triggered by this concept of time. And I'm starting to understand that how we spend our time, what we choose to do with it and how we carry that to completion day-in and day-out is one of the most important things in life. 

I'm learning that a general disrespect for time is ugly; it is focused on self and unaware of others, it is something we chain ourselves to and refuse to let free—it is the quickest way to deplete energy and cause frustration. Time is really pretty sacred. 

And to be honest, I don't have any other magnificent conclusions—just the simplicity of that thought. I want to respect time. I want to respect it in my own life, and in other's lives; I want to understand how special it is, how crucial it is, how short it is.

I want my concept of time to forever be linked with grace, waking up with no other words on my lips (as Anne Lamott would say) than thank you thank you and help me help me. The second I begin disrespecting time is the second I begin disrespecting grace, and Lord forgive me in advance for those moments. I truly pray that I would begin to orient my days in view of God's mercies—in view of His mercies and nothing else.