This is the third time in the last six months I've drafted this post.
Aside from a second baby being born into the family I nanny for, getting engaged (!!!), beginning wedding planning, and just overall chaos, the truth is that I totally burnt out on this space.
There was mega-inspiration and motivation for a couple months (as the last post will reveal), but after a few conversations I realized I was only riding the blogging train as fast as I was because I had nowhere else to go.
That may sound silly, or trite, or wildly inconsistent, but the a-ha moment came and I just backed. up. completely.
I've been a writer as long as I can remember, I've loved food both consciously and subconsciously just as long. And six months ago, the only tangible trajectory I had for post-nanny life was blogging. The irony, however, is that blogging might be the most intangible trajectory of all, and I realized I didn't want that.
Crunching numbers, weird schedules, instability, creating original content and doing it consistently...it was all causing me more stress and guilt than joy. It was as though I forgot how I like structure, and expectations, and being somewhere at the start of the day. I had envisioned this life for myself that wasn't on par with who I was, but I wanted that life because what else could I do?
Not to say that bloggers don't have structure, or expectations, or consistent starts to their days...but cultivating that is what I was forcing on a part of myself that didn't exist, and that didn't exist within the reality of where I currently am.
All I have ever wanted from blogging, really truly, is a space to share and connect. If I share about food, it's not because I consider myself a food blogger. I am not. It's just because I love it and it's how I tangibly make space to create.
If I write, it's not because I consider myself a full-time writer with incredible things to say. I don't. It's just because I love it and it's how I tangibly make space to create.
And really, that new perspective it all I need. Waiting to blog for 6 months isn't ideal, but I no longer feel like I'm doing a disservice to myself as a "blogger" (because I'm not) by only posting when it fits the best within my crazy, real-life schedule. The pressure to share isn't as high because I'm not trying to be a blogger.
Which is one of the more empowering conclusions I've come to about this space in a very, very long time. Bloggers always say you have to ultimately blog for YOU, and that's where I went wrong. I was blogging for the "me" I wanted and not the "me" I am.
So, all that to say, I've been paying for a Squarespace since September and it's just been sitting there, collecting dust. That was the news I wanted to share last post, and I have no problem sharing that now. This site will stick around, but for the future, I'll be at plaingrainblog.squarespace.com
For anyone who's ever encouraged me throughout the roller-coaster of writing and creativity, thank you. I'm truly grateful for you.